Gym bunny

Ok so i'm definatly NOT a gym bunny but I have joined my local gym. I was really struggling to get out walking, it was either raining, dark, not a good time and I was sick of 'making excuses' with myself.
So I joined on saturday, had my first assesment with my trainer on sunday and then tonight (Thursday) he went through my programme with me.

So from now on we shall refer to my trainer as 'the evil one' because every part of my body hurts bad. Real bad. So bad that I am not sure i'm going to be able to walk tomorrow.

The evil one kept telling me that it was 'no pain no gain' and he wasnt lying. At one point i'm pretty sure I swore at him and that seemed to give him satisfaction that I was working as I should have been.

I am now set with my plan and i'm going to work hard.
There is definatly one huge advantage to going to the gym. I might be in pain, I might be sweaty and worried that people are looking at me but at least I am having some alone time.

Food is always so tempting

We had a birthday party to go to today and I had been looking foward to it for a few weeks now. I knew I was going to need my weekly points for this day but I braced myself and went to enjoy myself.
Everything was going so well until the desserts came out. I just couldnt stop myself. I had three piklets with jam and cream, a small piece of cake, a chocolate biscuit then a big old piece of chocolate brownie.
If I had been able to stop myself having those I would have been fine, but instead I blew my points RIGHT out of the water.
Being around the tempting high point food is still hard, and I still dont have the will power to stop myself.

After we got home I then got my walking shoes on and I went for a 4km walk to help balance out what I had eaten. I am also going to have to go out again tomorrow and walk a whole lot more.

I really hope that it is enough to wipe out what I ate.

But most importantly, the party was lovely!

11kg down

I have been at weight watchers for 4 months now and in that time I have lost 11kg. I seem to have these periods of being really good, sticking to my points and being in a really good head space to falling off the wagon and yo-yoing up and down for a few weeks.

Last week was a good week, I stuck to my points, drank at least 1.5litres of water every day and even managed two exercise sessions. From that I was rewarded with a 1.9kg loss, and boy that felt good.
This week isnt going as well. I did stick to my points yesterday and I drank water too. Today I have eaten well and i'm on my first bottle of water but i'm tired and I know its going to be a huge battle.
My little girl has Croup and it suxs. None of us are getting sleep and when i'm tired I comfort eat. I want to just get in the car and go up to the shops and get something deep friend and salty. I am using every bit of willpower that I own not to go and do that. I keep thinking of that feeling I had on Mondy after getting off the scales and it said I had lost 1.9kg, I want another good loss, I want to keep this going and not fall off the wagon even though I am tired.

I want this to not be such a big battle in my head, I want the skinny girl inside to win this round not the fat girl on the outside.

200gms

I am only 200gms away from losing 10kg! 10 freaking kg! When I get it next week it will have taken me 12 weeks to loose. I have been struggling with my motivation for the last few weeks, I have good days and then not so good days. I do my best to keep myself in check but sometimes its so hard to find the will power to stop eating. But 10kg is almost gone... there is just 200gms between me and that goal and by damn I am going to do it.

Awesome meeting

Tonight was my meeting and it was a lovely meeting indeed. I lost 1.7kg which makes my total loss 9.6kg. I am so close to that 10kg loss mark that I can almost taste it.
I am desperate to get it next week, so much so that I told everyone in my meeting that I was only 400gms away.

I also hit another milestone tonight, I am officially under 130kg whoo hooooo :)
Its been a while since I have been in that position and i'm so glad to say good bye to the 130s and here is to NEVER going back there again.

So the challenge this week, its my birthday. And on a birthday you have cake and a yummy dinner. My leader has always told me that one meal wont effect the scale and I have my bonus weekly points so i'm sure I will be fine.

400gms... watch out because here I come.

kid free and walking

So this weekend just gone my lovely husband took the two small people to visit my inlaws for two nights. That means I got two nights at home by myself.
As they left I had a wee cry, and then I sat down and realised how quiet it was.
Now i'm not going to lie, it was nice... real nice!

So this weekend I made a pact with myself that I would keep exactly to my points, no cheating and no sneaking the odd mouthful of food without counting the points.
Well I did it and I actually found it alot easier. I didnt have any of the kids leftovers to snack on and I didnt find myself getting stressed out and finding something to eat.

I have a lovely friend, she forced me into a walk too. I didnt want to go, I even tried to get out of it but she made me do it and i'm thankful :)
So walking is on again and i'm kinda looking foward to it.

Worst blogger ever

Yep that is me, the worse blogger ever!
I have had a few ups and downs the last few weeks. Last week I gained for the first time, 1.6kg. Ouch! Then this week I lost 900gms, so I havent made up for my gain but at least I had a good loss.
I seem to have lost my mojo at the minute. My willpower is shot and I find myself snacking on things that I shouldnt be. Today is not going well, infact I havent tracked and i'm pretty sure I wont be eating much for dinner tonight. Either that or I will be having fruit since its free!
After writing i'm going to go and track and see how bad it is.

Total weight loss now is 7.9kg, sometimes that seems like a lot but other times like today it doesnt seem like much at all. A drop in the bucket of how much I have to lose. I did reach my 5% at my meeting this week so that was nice, but it didnt give me the motivation I need to keep going.

I got sick about the same time I stopped blogging, from that the walking had stopped too. I couldnt walk while I was coughing up a storm, but the coughing has stopped now so I really need to get back into the groove of walking again. I find most of the time its getting out the door that is the problem, once i'm doing it i'm ok.

So if anyone has my mojo could you please send it back. I am not going to give up but I would like for it to be not such a huge mental battle each day.

200gms

That is how much I lost this week. I am going to take that 200gms and be happy.
This is a new week, and this week i'm going to do much better.

I want to eat

All I want to do right now is eat. I want hot chips, chips, steak and chips, burger and chips, pizza... this list could go on and on. Instead of eating, i'm here blogging and its not really making me feel satisfied. I am tired, grumpy and sad and its taking every inch of will power that I have to not go and just eat.
Luckly for me there are no chips in the house so I cant. I dont want to know what would happen if there was as i'm sure I wouldnt have been able to hold out all day.

I have my meeting tonight and i'm thinking of staying behind after and talking to my leader, hoping she can give me the boost I need to get back into the right head space.
I know i'm going to have these days/weeks through out my journey but it just plain old suxs to be in one right now.

I'm off to do more washing and have some chewing gum.

A week of struggles

I have really struggled with food and exercise this week. My two little girls have been playing up and I have felt stressed out and keep turning to food. I have pointed everything except one day. I did go over a few times but not by much and I figured I had my bonus weekly points to use.
I hate weeks like this, I know i'm doing it, I know i'm eating too much or picking and I have this battle inside my head trying to stop myself. Quite a few times I was able too, I would pick up some gum instead but other times I would just eat.

So tomorrow is weigh in day and I am now dreading it. If I manage to lose 100gms I will be happy but I have this horrible feeling i'm going to end up gaining. I dont want to gain, and I feel sick even thinking about.

I need to get out of this funk i'm in.... I need to get my head in the game

And they just keep going

I had weight watchers again last night, and yay!!! I lost 1.1kg. That makes 5.9kg in total :)

Best pizza ever

We had home made pizza tonight, and it was just delish!!
I use a Lebanese wrap as the base, very thin and crispy then I made a home made tomato sauce Jamie Oliver style. I put onion, mushrooms and some chicken on, then some fresh herbs from the garden. I pointed out some lite cheese and then a little bit of parmasan too.
The meal came to 12 points and I enjoyed every minute of it.

5km

I have just gotten back from a 5km walk!! I have not managed to go that far before and now i'm exausted. I want to get to the point that i'm comfortable walking that distance, then I want to start trying to, wait for it, run.
At least 3 times a week i'm going for big walks, for now its not so bad since its summer but i'm worried that once winter comes and its dark at night i'm not going to do exercise. I have a month and a half to come up with a plan.
Off for some dinner, I definatly think I have earnt it.

Another one bites the dust

I had my weight watchers meeting tonight. In two weeks I have managed to lose 2kg :) Last week I knew I had lost 1kg since I weighed at home and then another 1kg this week! So my total is now 4.8kg.
I cant wait to get to the 5kg loss next week, its the first real milestone that I get to celebrate.

I did learn a lesson tonight and it wasnt a very nice one. One of my favourite meals is chicken satay with rice. It is a really high point meal and I knew it would probably cause me to go over my daily points, meaning I would have to use my special weekly points. I wanted to have it for dinner on a monday night so I could work it off during the week.
Well I made myself the same amount I would have had before, a pretty big portion but I pointed it all out and was only just over so marked it down.
While I was eating it I started to feel full but because I was enjoying it so much I just carried on. After I had finished I started to feel yucky, my tummy was so full it was uncomfortable and I was feeling more and more sick.
To cut a long story short, I was sick. My body just couldnt handle that amount of food and it well and truely rejected it.
No more huge portions for me.

I want fish and chips

So I tried to make a post about fish and chips from my iPhone this arvo and it just didnt work, then it published the title and nothing else!
We have had a really good day today, we went to a friends parents bach, had a swim in their pool and a general hang out. The sun was shining and it was a really nice day.
We were driving home at about 5.30pm and the girls hadnt had their dinner yet. I got this huge desire to have some fish and chips, just sit on the beach and eat as a family.

I find myself envious of people who can do that, are able to have a take away fish and chips on the beach and then carry on as normal. I'm sure in time when i'm at goal i'm going to be able to do it too, have the odd take away and then keep on going the next day and it wont be a problem.

At the moment it is a problem, I wouldnt be able to control myself, and I know that. I would eat everyones leftovers, way too much, end up feeling sick or filled with hate for doing that. I would be fighting with myself the whole time to try and stop myself from over indulging.
This obsession I have with food is hard.

picking day

I'm having a picking day today, I hate it when i'm like this. I have pointed everything I have eaten but I dont ever feel satisfied because i've not had a proper meal.
Its 8.30pm now and i've still not had dinner, we have been out and about this evening and now I need to get motivated to make some dinner.
I'm so tempted to get a take away, but I dont have enough points so its lamb and salad instead.

Feeling fuller quicker

When I first started this weight loss journey I went out for lunch with a good friend. We had sushi and after I had eaten it I didnt feel satisfied but I stopped myself from eating any more. Well today Beth and I had sushi for lunch, I had the same pack as I did with my friend and this time after I finished I felt full and satisfied. I'm finally getting used to smaller portions and i'm not feeling hungry all the time.

I like the fact that I can eat normal looking portions now and not these HUGE ones, or going back for seconds. I like that half of my plate is veggies or salad now and the other half is meat and a carb of some sort.
The food part is starting to get easier finally.

Walking

I just got back from a walk, 50 minutes and i'm exausted!! I had my music going and I just pushed myself thinking of all the fun things I am going to do in Italy.
I really hate exercise but I want to like it. I want to be one of those people who enjoys getting their daily fix. Maybe in time when I get more fit it will be easier and more fun maybe?

Emotional eating

Today I had a sad day, everybody has them and today was mine. Nothing major just people saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.
All afternoon I have had to fight the urge to eat because I was upset, I would look to the pantry then stop myself and walk away.
Why do I do this, why have I made food my emotional crutch? Why cant I just work through what I am feeling?
I think I know why. Its because its hard and I would have to deal with conflict and I hate that.

So today I just did my best to not emotionally eat and it went well until tonight.
I had four points left and I just went and ate a chicken sausage. They are 7 points each. I wanted to eat all four of them which were left in the fridge but instead I stopped at one and threw the rest out.
I wish I hadnt eaten that sausage, or at least only eaten half and not gone over my points, but I cant take it back so I have to move on.
Tomorrow is a new day

Another kg gone

So today is weigh in day, but today its a public holiday in Auckland so no meeting.
Its 3pm here and normally my meeting is at 6.30pm but since I am about to go out I figured I would do it now. I am wearning jeans instead of my 3/4 shorts but the same shoes.
I am exactly 1kg down :) 135kg exactly!
Whooo hoooo so happy about that. I know my scales are going to be a wee bit different to the ones at weight watchers but I figured its still a loss and a good loss so i'm going to take it.

I am really looking forward to my meeting next week, I feel kind of lost without it.

picking

I need to stop picking, I keep taking a mouthful here, a bite there and this is going to be a huge downfall. I have picked a wee bit today, granted I have also pointed it but its a slippery slope and I dont want to go down it right now.
I'm going to go and chew some gum, maybe that will stop me putting food in my mouth!

Date night

Almost 6 months ago we got given $200 worth of vouchers to a restaurant in town. Well we forgot all about them and pulled them out a few days ago and realised they were about to expire. So Steve and I went on date night tonight!

I tell you what, its a really good job I went for a walk today and had a really low point breakfast and lunch and I have those extra 49 points spare because damn I used them all tonight.
Dinner was amazing, it was one of my all time best meals I have ever had.
So tonight I enjoyed every bite, I made some good choices and I feel really good.
Tomorrow i'm going to go for another walk and really up the water drinking too just incase.

This is something I have to get used to, life is going to carry on and we are going to go out for dinner now and then. I will need to learn to make healthy choices, do a bit more exercise if we do go out and not feel guilty about it. Normally I would use this time to do a 'free for all' and just eat myself silly but tonight I didnt. And from now on I dont want to. I dont want to leave a restaurant feeling slightly sick because I went overboard.

Date night was good

That time

If there are any men reading this i'm sorry in advance but you know it was going to happen.
Its that time of the month and today i'm struggling. I want Burger King, McDonalds, Burger fuel, hot chips and pizza. I want the salty, greasy fast food feeling and I cant have it. Well I could but I cant.
All day I have battled with myself, having this little fight in my head and luckly the skinny girl that is trying to get out managed to win this fight. I like to imagine her pinning the fat chick down and gagging her.

Even through I wanted all this stuff I stopped myself and I stayed within points today.
That was a huge, real huge. Normally I would have convinced Steve we needed some nasty take out for dinner but instead we had portabello mushroom burgers and home made wedges followed by weight watchers cheesecake!

Round 1 to the skinny girl trying to escape

Subway and chocolate

I went to my mums with the girls yesterday and after getting home I realised that I had only eaten 16 points. My daily allowance is 48 so I was way under what I should be at that point.
It was 7pm and I was now starving and getting all emotional (and a little unreasonable i'm sure too) and just didnt want to have to cook dinner.
Lovely husband suggested a take away since I had so many points free and we got my WW Take out guide and had a look through. We decided on Subway for dinner since it wasn't too bad on the points but having a foot long would take up a good chunk while still being a healthy option.

So after eating my Subway and my other points for the day I still had 11 points left. In the fridge for the last 6 days has been my most favourite chocolate bar in the world. Its called a 'Wisper' bar and its from the UK. Up until now I have resisted that sucker quite happily since I didnt have enough points to eat it but last night I had enough.

So I sat there and enjoyed every bite, I was within points and I was eating chocolate!

Roll on this morning, i'm now filled with guilt and I have no idea why. I feel bad that I ate the chocolate and i'm worried its going to upset my weight loss but I also know that it was totally within my points and I will be fine. Its like a double edged sword, I cant have one without the other.
Its going to take a while to retrain my brain I think.

Over my points

Crap! Yesterday I went over my points by mistake. I thought I had more left than I did and I went over by 4. I'm not worried at the moment, they allow you an extra 49 points to use as you wish throughout the week but I just feel frustrated at myself.

We took Bethany and Amelia for a picnic dinner last night to try out our new portable BBQ, I was prepared and took some healthy options for me to snack on as we were going to have our dinner when we got home later. That is when I ate too much, I had two veggie sausages with two bits of bread. Normally that is 10 points, which I would have been fine with but I added some tomato sauce, then I ate a few bits of the girls steak. If I had left those few things alone I would have been fine.

I hate that I have this overwhelming desire to pick at leftovers, that I struggle with myself not to eat them and sit and obsess about them. Normally at home I would just put them straight in the waste disposal but since we were out I just sat there looking at them. In the end after picking for a bit I asked Steve to move them away from me and not to let me have them anymore.
This is definaly something I have to work on and find willpower to stop doing.

Huge loss

I lost 2.8kg this week whooo hoooooooo
excuse me a moment, i'm just off to do my happy dance

That puts me at 138kg and I have 59kg to go. My Goal weight is going to be 79kg and that will mean I am at the top end of the BMI for healthy.
I am not expecting losses like that every week, i'm sure its going to slow down and I will have my ups and downs as I go along.

Next challenge, its a public holiday next monday so we dont have a meeting. This is where I would normally struggle, back in my mind I would think 'I dont have to weigh in for two weeks, I can cheat now and then' but in reality I dont want to do that, I dont want to cheat, I dont want to get myself into the habit that this journey is just short term.
This is forever and just because my leader wont be around for two weeks doesnt mean I can go back to those bad habits and eating crap.

So this time next week when I would normally be at a meeting i'm going to weigh myself at home to keep me on track and put the result here.

Having a little freak out

So its weigh in day today, tonight I am off for my meeting and i'm terrifed that I wont lose any weight. I keep thinking about how I went over by 10 points at the 40th birthday party, but then I say to myself that I had those points to spare so it will be fine.

I remembered that I did this last time too, I would get myself all anxious on weigh in days, worried that it wouldnt have worked, that I would have done something wrong which causes me to gain weight.

I know I have eaten healthy, I have drunk water, hell I even went for two walks this week for 30 minutes and that is unheard of for me. I am 99% sure I will be fine, that there will be a loss.
Just need to get that little 1% of self doubt out of my head.

First challenge

Last night it was a friends 40th birthday party. I knew there was going to be a lot of food that was going to tempt me and I knew it was going to be my first big challenge.
I got myself prepared, I had a low point lunch and I had some points left over from another day which I hadnt used. I decided I would stay away from all the 'snack' foods and just have my dinner but enjoy what I was having.

Well i'm really proud of myself, I didnt have any chips, chocolates, nuts etc and for my dinner I made sure I had a big pile of salad to go with it. I did use up all of my points for the day and I went over by 10, but since I had those spare ones it doesnt matter. I kept in control and I didnt sit and obsess about all the things I was missing.

This time it feels different, I feel so motivated and I want this so much. I keep thinking about what I am going to look like when i've lost all the weight and how i'm going to feel. I keep wondering how fantastic its going to feel to walk into any clothes shop and buy whatever I want, its going to be mindblowing.

So first major challenge has passed and I did good :)

Some stats

On Monday 17th Jan I joined weight watchers again. I have done it before, a few times actually and each time its worked well for me. Before I had my first daughter I lost 24kg and was so proud of myself. Then pregnancy came along and it was a free for all with the food and I gained 19kg. After she was born I just feel into the same bad habbits I had before and slowly the weight crept up and before I knew it I weight more than when I was pregnant.
I did weight watchers again before we started trying for my second daughter. I lost about 12kg and was careful while pregnant not to gain too much. After she was born I again slipped into the bad habbits and now I find myself weighing more than I ever have in my life.

So Monday night I walked back into my weight watchers meeting.
I am 178cm tall, which is roughly 5'11 and I weigh *gulp* 138.8kg
My leader said not to worry, its the last time we need to see that number.

On my way home I had a little cry. I was scared of the challenge ahead of me and I was happy that i'm finally doing something about it.

And so it begins

My name is Sharlie and i'm a foodaholic

I love food and I love to eat it, so much that i'm obese. Thats such a horrible word, but its true, I am obese. Infact i'm probably morbidly obese but i'm too scared to go and look to find out if I am so for now i'm just obese.

I have always been overweight, I remember being teased for being fat when I was about 9 years old and slowly over the years I have just gotten bigger and bigger. Every now and then I would diet and exercise, loose a bit of weight but over time it would all come back on again.

So I have decided that enough is enough, I cant do this to my body anymore and I dont want to be this person anymore. I'm sick of feeling out of breath when I try and play with my kids (I have two little girls they will come up a bit later), I am sick of obsessing about food all the time, when i'm going to eat again, what i'm going to eat. I hate feeling like everyone is looking at the fat person and laughing. I feel embarassed for my husband that he has a fat wife who doesnt like to go out and do things because of the weight..

So the lovely husband Steve dangled a very nice carrot for me. When I get to my goal weight of 79kg he will take me back to Italy to celebrate. This is going to take a few years and i'm ok with that, plus we need to save! ha! but its something to keep me motivated while I go on this journey of changing my life.

So watch out Italy, i'm coming...