Another kg gone

So today is weigh in day, but today its a public holiday in Auckland so no meeting.
Its 3pm here and normally my meeting is at 6.30pm but since I am about to go out I figured I would do it now. I am wearning jeans instead of my 3/4 shorts but the same shoes.
I am exactly 1kg down :) 135kg exactly!
Whooo hoooo so happy about that. I know my scales are going to be a wee bit different to the ones at weight watchers but I figured its still a loss and a good loss so i'm going to take it.

I am really looking forward to my meeting next week, I feel kind of lost without it.

picking

I need to stop picking, I keep taking a mouthful here, a bite there and this is going to be a huge downfall. I have picked a wee bit today, granted I have also pointed it but its a slippery slope and I dont want to go down it right now.
I'm going to go and chew some gum, maybe that will stop me putting food in my mouth!

Date night

Almost 6 months ago we got given $200 worth of vouchers to a restaurant in town. Well we forgot all about them and pulled them out a few days ago and realised they were about to expire. So Steve and I went on date night tonight!

I tell you what, its a really good job I went for a walk today and had a really low point breakfast and lunch and I have those extra 49 points spare because damn I used them all tonight.
Dinner was amazing, it was one of my all time best meals I have ever had.
So tonight I enjoyed every bite, I made some good choices and I feel really good.
Tomorrow i'm going to go for another walk and really up the water drinking too just incase.

This is something I have to get used to, life is going to carry on and we are going to go out for dinner now and then. I will need to learn to make healthy choices, do a bit more exercise if we do go out and not feel guilty about it. Normally I would use this time to do a 'free for all' and just eat myself silly but tonight I didnt. And from now on I dont want to. I dont want to leave a restaurant feeling slightly sick because I went overboard.

Date night was good

That time

If there are any men reading this i'm sorry in advance but you know it was going to happen.
Its that time of the month and today i'm struggling. I want Burger King, McDonalds, Burger fuel, hot chips and pizza. I want the salty, greasy fast food feeling and I cant have it. Well I could but I cant.
All day I have battled with myself, having this little fight in my head and luckly the skinny girl that is trying to get out managed to win this fight. I like to imagine her pinning the fat chick down and gagging her.

Even through I wanted all this stuff I stopped myself and I stayed within points today.
That was a huge, real huge. Normally I would have convinced Steve we needed some nasty take out for dinner but instead we had portabello mushroom burgers and home made wedges followed by weight watchers cheesecake!

Round 1 to the skinny girl trying to escape

Subway and chocolate

I went to my mums with the girls yesterday and after getting home I realised that I had only eaten 16 points. My daily allowance is 48 so I was way under what I should be at that point.
It was 7pm and I was now starving and getting all emotional (and a little unreasonable i'm sure too) and just didnt want to have to cook dinner.
Lovely husband suggested a take away since I had so many points free and we got my WW Take out guide and had a look through. We decided on Subway for dinner since it wasn't too bad on the points but having a foot long would take up a good chunk while still being a healthy option.

So after eating my Subway and my other points for the day I still had 11 points left. In the fridge for the last 6 days has been my most favourite chocolate bar in the world. Its called a 'Wisper' bar and its from the UK. Up until now I have resisted that sucker quite happily since I didnt have enough points to eat it but last night I had enough.

So I sat there and enjoyed every bite, I was within points and I was eating chocolate!

Roll on this morning, i'm now filled with guilt and I have no idea why. I feel bad that I ate the chocolate and i'm worried its going to upset my weight loss but I also know that it was totally within my points and I will be fine. Its like a double edged sword, I cant have one without the other.
Its going to take a while to retrain my brain I think.

Over my points

Crap! Yesterday I went over my points by mistake. I thought I had more left than I did and I went over by 4. I'm not worried at the moment, they allow you an extra 49 points to use as you wish throughout the week but I just feel frustrated at myself.

We took Bethany and Amelia for a picnic dinner last night to try out our new portable BBQ, I was prepared and took some healthy options for me to snack on as we were going to have our dinner when we got home later. That is when I ate too much, I had two veggie sausages with two bits of bread. Normally that is 10 points, which I would have been fine with but I added some tomato sauce, then I ate a few bits of the girls steak. If I had left those few things alone I would have been fine.

I hate that I have this overwhelming desire to pick at leftovers, that I struggle with myself not to eat them and sit and obsess about them. Normally at home I would just put them straight in the waste disposal but since we were out I just sat there looking at them. In the end after picking for a bit I asked Steve to move them away from me and not to let me have them anymore.
This is definaly something I have to work on and find willpower to stop doing.

Huge loss

I lost 2.8kg this week whooo hoooooooo
excuse me a moment, i'm just off to do my happy dance

That puts me at 138kg and I have 59kg to go. My Goal weight is going to be 79kg and that will mean I am at the top end of the BMI for healthy.
I am not expecting losses like that every week, i'm sure its going to slow down and I will have my ups and downs as I go along.

Next challenge, its a public holiday next monday so we dont have a meeting. This is where I would normally struggle, back in my mind I would think 'I dont have to weigh in for two weeks, I can cheat now and then' but in reality I dont want to do that, I dont want to cheat, I dont want to get myself into the habit that this journey is just short term.
This is forever and just because my leader wont be around for two weeks doesnt mean I can go back to those bad habits and eating crap.

So this time next week when I would normally be at a meeting i'm going to weigh myself at home to keep me on track and put the result here.

Having a little freak out

So its weigh in day today, tonight I am off for my meeting and i'm terrifed that I wont lose any weight. I keep thinking about how I went over by 10 points at the 40th birthday party, but then I say to myself that I had those points to spare so it will be fine.

I remembered that I did this last time too, I would get myself all anxious on weigh in days, worried that it wouldnt have worked, that I would have done something wrong which causes me to gain weight.

I know I have eaten healthy, I have drunk water, hell I even went for two walks this week for 30 minutes and that is unheard of for me. I am 99% sure I will be fine, that there will be a loss.
Just need to get that little 1% of self doubt out of my head.

First challenge

Last night it was a friends 40th birthday party. I knew there was going to be a lot of food that was going to tempt me and I knew it was going to be my first big challenge.
I got myself prepared, I had a low point lunch and I had some points left over from another day which I hadnt used. I decided I would stay away from all the 'snack' foods and just have my dinner but enjoy what I was having.

Well i'm really proud of myself, I didnt have any chips, chocolates, nuts etc and for my dinner I made sure I had a big pile of salad to go with it. I did use up all of my points for the day and I went over by 10, but since I had those spare ones it doesnt matter. I kept in control and I didnt sit and obsess about all the things I was missing.

This time it feels different, I feel so motivated and I want this so much. I keep thinking about what I am going to look like when i've lost all the weight and how i'm going to feel. I keep wondering how fantastic its going to feel to walk into any clothes shop and buy whatever I want, its going to be mindblowing.

So first major challenge has passed and I did good :)

Some stats

On Monday 17th Jan I joined weight watchers again. I have done it before, a few times actually and each time its worked well for me. Before I had my first daughter I lost 24kg and was so proud of myself. Then pregnancy came along and it was a free for all with the food and I gained 19kg. After she was born I just feel into the same bad habbits I had before and slowly the weight crept up and before I knew it I weight more than when I was pregnant.
I did weight watchers again before we started trying for my second daughter. I lost about 12kg and was careful while pregnant not to gain too much. After she was born I again slipped into the bad habbits and now I find myself weighing more than I ever have in my life.

So Monday night I walked back into my weight watchers meeting.
I am 178cm tall, which is roughly 5'11 and I weigh *gulp* 138.8kg
My leader said not to worry, its the last time we need to see that number.

On my way home I had a little cry. I was scared of the challenge ahead of me and I was happy that i'm finally doing something about it.

And so it begins

My name is Sharlie and i'm a foodaholic

I love food and I love to eat it, so much that i'm obese. Thats such a horrible word, but its true, I am obese. Infact i'm probably morbidly obese but i'm too scared to go and look to find out if I am so for now i'm just obese.

I have always been overweight, I remember being teased for being fat when I was about 9 years old and slowly over the years I have just gotten bigger and bigger. Every now and then I would diet and exercise, loose a bit of weight but over time it would all come back on again.

So I have decided that enough is enough, I cant do this to my body anymore and I dont want to be this person anymore. I'm sick of feeling out of breath when I try and play with my kids (I have two little girls they will come up a bit later), I am sick of obsessing about food all the time, when i'm going to eat again, what i'm going to eat. I hate feeling like everyone is looking at the fat person and laughing. I feel embarassed for my husband that he has a fat wife who doesnt like to go out and do things because of the weight..

So the lovely husband Steve dangled a very nice carrot for me. When I get to my goal weight of 79kg he will take me back to Italy to celebrate. This is going to take a few years and i'm ok with that, plus we need to save! ha! but its something to keep me motivated while I go on this journey of changing my life.

So watch out Italy, i'm coming...